


Of Truths and Dreams

by Artemis1000



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Coping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Mild Gore, Multi, Nightmares, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-10-26 20:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20748074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis1000/pseuds/Artemis1000
Summary: Three times Cassian had a nightmare - three times the most important people in his life offered comfort each in their own way.





	Of Truths and Dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Penknife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penknife/gifts).

His aim was true.

The blaster bolt left an ugly scorch mark right in the middle of the human’s forehead but his blank face didn’t change.

“You killed me,” he said and then he started to decay right there in front of Cassian’s eyes - flesh rotting and turning putrid and falling away within seconds until only a bleached white skeleton remained. The skull still bore a scorch mark on the forehead.

Cassian woke quietly. He made no sound and did not move – he had learned years ago to suffer his nightmares quietly and once taught, the habit remained even when he was back on base.

He remained perfectly still, forcing his body to take one slow, measured breath after the other until his heart no longer pounded like it was trying to force its way out of his chest straight through his ribcage. The putrid taste of bile at the back of his throat lingered. He knew better but his mind told him it tasted of rotting flesh.

“You are still suffering from nightmares,“ Kay pointed out. His optics lit up, bright white spots in the dark that blinded Cassian before he turned them down to soft light.

Cassian squinted against the white spots still dancing in front of his eyes. His friend stood guard by the door, exactly where he had been when Cassian went to sleep. “Thank you, Kay, I wouldn’t know what to do without your astute observations.”

“It is very likely you would be dead. Organics are notoriously useless at taking care of themselves.”

He gave a low chuckle. “Thanks, Kay.” Cassian rubbed his hands over his face. They still trembled a little and they felt funny, numb; like they didn’t quite belong to him. “Right.” He let a heartbeat of silence pass. “I should get back to sleep.”

Kay shifted, Cassian couldn’t see it but he heard the soft hiss of hydraulics at work. “I will observe you.”

It shouldn’t have been comforting. But this was the third night in a row that Kay guarded his sleep and the embarrassment had mostly faded, leaving behind only relief. He never much liked waking up alone, that made it near impossible at times to shake the nightmares.

“Goodnight, Kay.”

When Cassian had taught himself to suffer his nightmares quietly, he had also taught himself to go to sleep regardless of his state of mind. He could control his body but he could not control his mind – he could not keep the nightmares at bay.

There was a thing and it was on the hunt – hunting him.

Cassian moved through narrow, tightly packed streets with the purposeful stride of someone who wanted to run but knew better. The streets were familiar but try as he might, he could not pinpoint the planet. These streets were more like a combination of everything that would have struck him as familiar but didn’t belong in the same sector, let alone on the same planet.

His hunter was drawing closer. He could feel it, the noose tightening. Somehow he could make out his hunter’s footsteps over the din of the crowd, purposeful steps that didn’t run but wanted to.

His heart raced. Sweat beaded on his brow.

He took a sharp turn only to come face to face with a wall, tall and smooth grey, merciless.

The footsteps stopped.

Cassian turned and looked into his own face.

His eyes opened to darkness. He shifted, feeling around in the bed until he found Jyn at the far end of the bed, curled up tight right at the edge of it and making muffled little noises. When it was just the two of them they would often leave room for their third out of sheer habit but this was different.

In the darkness, he could almost believe that his hunter was watching them.

He placed a hand on Jyn’s shoulder and found it trembling. Cassian exhaled shakily. He shook her gently, then drew his hand back before she could lash out as they both would. “Hey,” he said quietly, “you were having a nightmare.”

She harrumphed, then turned around and crawled closer, tucking herself against him. She was still shaking. “And you were awake to notice it because you didn’t.”

He smiled into the darkness. “Something like that.”

There would be no sleep for either of them, not anytime soon. They laid in the darkness and Cassian listened to Jyn’s breathing until he no longer felt like eyes in the darkness were watching.

He was drowning in red.

He struggled, limbs flailing for purchase but finding none, only sinking deeper the more he struggled.

The water was red and thick, like it did not just want to submerge him but suck him in. He opened his mouth and gasped for air where there was none to be found – viscous red filled his mouth, choking him, forcing itself down his throat, choking him, filling his senses with the taste of blood, choking him…

Cassian awoke gasping for air, his body stiff and still, arms pressed to his sides.

“Are you okay?” Bodhi whispered. He sounded sleepy, still more asleep than awake. Yet he often woke when Cassian did, attuned to sensing his distress in spite of all of Cassian’s training to remain quiet.

“I will be,” he answered after a moment’s consideration. Bodhi deserved better than a reassuring dismissal.

They were quiet for a moment, then Bodhi whispered into the darkness, “It will get better.”

Cassian didn’t protest, knowing it to be a hope as much as a promise. He sighed when Bodhi brushed sweaty hair from his forehead.

Jyn mumbled from the other side of Bodhi, something unintelligible all slurred together by sleep but still sounding concerned.

It was Bodhi who broke the silence just before it could become oppressive. He started talking quietly, telling some anecdote about his fellow pilots which Cassian barely paid attention to. Bodhi never expected much from him on these nights and Cassian just let his voice wash over him, washing away the feeling of blood on his skin. Jyn, too, spoke little, occasionally adding a quip not quite as witty as it would have been had she been properly awake.

Bit by bit, the dream faded away.

He wasn’t okay. Not yet. But Cassian knew he would be.


End file.
